dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
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at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
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Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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