I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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