Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
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so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
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I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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