Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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