my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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