sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
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She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
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Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
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