did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You are a genius and a whore.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize