I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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