Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
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Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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