Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
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Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We need to get me chipped asap
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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