I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize