Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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