Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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