One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
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talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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