Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
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Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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