Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
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These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
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I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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