Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think my fart just growled at me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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