I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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