you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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