if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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