After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
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Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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