I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So vagazzling was a success
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize