Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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