i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
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I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
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THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
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