when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize