watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
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Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
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Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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