omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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