My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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