He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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