I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
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I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
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I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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