Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
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