my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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