Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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