Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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