Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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