I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize