whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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