bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize