Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
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