I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
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Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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