We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
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Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
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I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
there is glitter all over my balls
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