I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Four minutes until I can fart!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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