My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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