I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
3pm strippers are depressing
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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