Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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