i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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