i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
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If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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