Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
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I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
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Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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