I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
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You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
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My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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