About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
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I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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